Update: Pregnancy Round 3

I struggle sometimes to view and explain my pregnancy and its complications to those around me.  I see things from the black and white perspective of a nurse and seldom stop to think of how scary and unfamiliar the unknown of gestational hypertension turning into severe gestational hypertension/preeclampsia/eclampsia/HELLP is, especially for my husband and other family members.  I'm known to be a planner, and there is nothing about this pregnancy that has allowed me to be the proficient planner my type A personality needs to me be.

- I go from having a good day health wise, running errands with my kids, cleaning, doing the usual "mom duties" to suddenly being down on the couch with a headache, labored breathing, or high blood pressure.
- So many times people have suggested for me to just rest, take care of myself and the baby.... and then I see my sink full of dishes, or dog hair on my couch and I can't control the anxiety of leaving it dirty that I huff and puff myself to get it all clean.
- I remember being a full time working floor nurse during both Bennett and Jillian's pregnancies and powered through the 12 hour shifts despite being tired and exhausted.  My feet were horrendous even in compression socks with Bennett's pregnancy, and for the last week I've struggled to do ordinary things because of how swollen my feet are. Lance and I went on a date to see a movie and I couldn't even sit still because of how uncomfortable my swollen feet were.
- Its still up for debate as to whether my symptoms/side effects are from high blood pressure or having pneumonia, or maybe they are common 3rd trimester 3rd pregnancy things that I just don't remember, but laying down in bed or on the couch literally has be short of breath. I literally have felt since being diagnosed with pneumonia that taking in a full deep breath is impossible.  Walking up the stairs has be huffing and puffing, and even rolling out of bed in the middle of the night is a struggle.
- At 31.1 weeks gestation we decided to do betamethasone steroid shots.  Apparently they cause insomnia.  Night one I was awake tossing and turning until 2:30am (when my unisom kicked in) unable to sleep.  Night 2 was 1am, night 3 was midnight, night 4 was 12:30am with a "hangover" type lethargy that lasted the next day until nearly 4:30pm.  It's interesting because BMZ causes insomnia, but my blood pressure medications are supposed to cause fatigue and lethargy. Unfortunately I'm feeling the lethargy during the day (I'm sure in combo with the unisom) and the insomnia at night.
- Since we've been married we always envisioned a family of 6.  I knew (once we were able to have kids) that we wanted to have a big family.  Even getting pregnant this go around I was desperately praying for twins because I wanted my 4 kiddos and to be done being pregnant.  I cried a little on the inside when there was just one at our ultrasound, but obviously the Lord knows all and knows what we can handle.  Throughout this pregnancy I've never once felt that "this was the end" "the last kid" "the last pregnancy,"    but as I've endured these last couple of weeks and know I have 5 weeks left until induction day I can't help but feel physically incapable of doing this again.  The coughing, the pneumonia, the headaches, blood pressure, monitoring, shortness of breath, +3 edema in my feet, unable to simply move and be the 27 year old version my mind thinks I'm capable of being.