The battle still continues.

Since I began college in my mind I knew I wanted to do something in the medical field.  I am over analytic and like to look at every possibly facet before I make any decision (which sometimes makes people think I can't make up my mind).  I entered Brigham Young with a yearning to be a nurse and pre-nursing is exactly where I ended up.  After a semester and a half, and seeing the competition and blood-shedding personalities of other pre-nursing students I decided that it wasn't right for me.  I still wanted to pursue something medical, but the competition had me hidden away in a hole never wanting to come out.  I began my research into physicians assistant graduate school and thought it to be a perfect fit for what I aspired for my life.  I then changed my major to Exercise Science and began my journey from the beginning, through taking Physics 105.  While in high school, I loved physics, but college physics in an entirely separate world.  I HATED PHYSICS, plus I wasn't very good at it leading my decision to sway away from the difficult, almost medical school science classes and back towards nursing.  I changed my major once again to Exercise and Wellness which is more geared toward the body's overall health through proper diet and exercise.  At BYU, I have never had a semester in which I enjoyed what I learned more.  No more 300 person lecture halls.  No more busy science classes which have no direct purpose.  No more learning about things I saw no practicality or interest in.  I was finally done and had finally found my niche.  

 I began to mark my course toward fulfilling the prerequisite courses for an accelerated bachelor's degree in nursing.  I figured it was my only shot to my dream career, but in the process was discouraged by my lack of GPA and the increasing competition.  I within my dreams out of an accelerated bachelor's and into an associates figuring it was more achievable.  The week of my honeymoon I was pleasantly surprised to find out my name had left the waiting list and I was officially accepted as a nursing student.  What joy overwhelmed my soul as I finally felt I had captured my dream after such a long journey.  The floating on cloud nine feeling, however, slowly was washed away when the costs for tuition revealed I would need 36,000 in student loans to fulfill my associates RN.  For a week I battled with the idea of going into debt for dream, or giving it all up in hopes of being accepted into a more cost effective program.  As I knelt in prayer in the temple, I was overwhelmed many feelings, some too personal to share.  My main gut feeling, however, was to forgo the expensive program and seek happiness in another realm.  To keep going and be persistent in what I want, and eventually doors opening up.  

Now it's come to the point that my dreams of being a nurse verse being a physicians assistant are back into my mind competing for my full attention.  Do I stretch myself and challenge myself to fulfill the rigorous courses associated with a masters degree? Do I work my way up from a nursing associates to a masters in the 5 years of schooling it would take?  Do I jump in head first into the possibility of having to move to a different state to achieve my education?  The unanswered questions I have been left with are only consuming my every thought and are sometimes too much to bare.