Mother's Day

I started out viewing Mother's Day as just the greatest day.  A day to celebrate all of the amazing female examples in my life- those that have made an extraordinary impact on the person I am today.  I was extremely happy and content even though I had to miss church to go to work.  I didn't mind because I was giving those mother's who had children time to celebrate with them- it was their day.


As the day progressed at work I was just excited to go home and spend the day with my husband.  I was also anticipating Mother's day (or the day after to be more specific) because it would be on the day after that Lance and I could possibly find out that I will be a mom.  What a great Mother's Day present! Right?   For whatever reason, however, I did find out that I will not, be a mother, at least 9 months from Mother's Day. 


While at work I tried to compose myself enough to not start bawling at my little corner cubby computer. I tried to be the happy and optimistic self I had been just a mere few minutes before, but all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball (partially because of cramps) and cry with a big bowl of ice cream.


I spend the next 4 hours of my shift staring at facebook looking at the posts dedicated to mothers, and soon to be mommys- angry.


Since everything that was wrong with our fertility situation seemed like it could be fixed with Intraunterine Insemination I was THRILLED to do it.  I was so excited and wanted to talk about it to everyone because I thought it was going to work.  I didn't think I needed a few months of IUI's to make it work- I just thought in 2 weeks. I'll be carrying my baby. But I'm not, and it didn't work the first time.  


I understand that this wasn't guarenteed to work the first time, and that it might take 3-6 times for it to work, but after KNOWING it didn't work I'm a little bitter thinking about the medical bill associated with the 'failed' procedure (that isn't covered by insurance at all).




-- Today while at Target I saw this beautiful black curly haired baby wrapped up in the arms of a beautiful brown haired white lady. It was then I thought, maybe that will be me one day. What will Lance and I do if we continue with IUI and it doesn't work? In vitro? Adoption? and when and can we even afford it? --


I started Femara (my fertility medication) day one today.  4 more days, then wait another weeka and I guess we will see if round two of IUI will be successful.

Finally.

Finally Finals Are Over....for now.
I took my last final today for this semester and leaving school I was really worried as to whether or not I passed.  My med/surg class for whatever reason has been a little difficult for me this semester (partially due to a non-interest teacher and one who takes off points for fun... literally). 


One time this semester I submitted a 9 page paper and she only have me a 93% because the outline that SHE made had some parts missing (so therefore I had the same parts missing), but it was on the grading rubric so for HER mistake.. I got a 5% deduction on my paper.  Lovely.


Within our nursing program you have to have a 77% overall in the class to pass onto the next semester.  One student who was in the first cohort got a 76.5% on our Pharmacology class last YEAR and was dropped until he retook the class and passed!!!!
With such stringent guidelines I've been boardering a 82%. Luckily I pulled through and ended up with an 83% overall in the class. Yay for me!


Moving onto this summer semester it will not be a typical "let watch movies outside and get snowcones" kinda summer.  It will be more of a "I'm stuck at clinicals EVERYDAY" kinda summer.  It should be fun and rewarding to be in Psych/OB/Pediatrics this summer. Yay for babies, kids, and crazies!


At the end of the summer I will OFFICIALLY be a Nurse (Licensed Practical), then exactly 1 year from now I will be a Registered Nurse!

Just a Quickie

As my OB describes it, intrauterine insemination is "a new way to look at a quickie."  Today was my first day doing IUI.  It got a little hectic because you can't plan what day you'll need to go into the office until your stick gives you a smiley face.  With my pharmacology final this morning at 8am, I was a little nervous and stressed trying to figure out how to take my final, meet Lance before he left for work at 9:40 and didn't come home until 1pm and I would leave for work at 2.  Luckily it all worked out.  I finished my 120 question pharmacology final in one hour, drove home quickly, then rushed off (literally going 80-85 on the highway) towards Alta View Hospital.  My logic was "if i get pulled over I will whip this specimen cup out from my armpit and say 'if i don't make it to the doctors office in the next 20 minutes these swimmers will die and I will have missed my chance at conceiving a child, do you (officer) want that on your conscious?'"  Once at the doctors office I waited impatiently until I was called.  They took the specimen and spun it down "washing" the sperm of all the thick fluid (which is the reason we can't conceive normally) and then inserted them into a syringe attached to a catheter (or straw).  I went into the office. Bing bam boom. The insertion was complete in literally 30 seconds. Then I just had to lay there for 20 minutes giving the swimmers a head start against gravity for when I would stand up.  Definitely not the most romantic way to conceive a child, but at least now I can say I know the actual date of conception (that is of course if I get pregnant the first time.  It typically takes 6 times for a person to get pregnant.)

This whole experience reminds me of a talk that was given at ward as well as stake conference.  It was about taking the time to look at the brighter side of any situation.  We are the ones who determine if we choose to be happy or choose to be upset.  If we all have hope that things will work out, they will.  I know many people who could/have been in this situation and ask "why!," but I know the Lord has his own timing with everything and he will bless us/everyone tenfold if we are patient and have hope.

Nesting

There are time when I think I am NESTING, even without being pregnant.

Evidence through my recent purchase: 

Of course just walking around Seagall Books is probably something I should limit, but for $2.99 how could I NOT buy this?

The week before our cruise I kept taking tests, each with a -, I went on the cruise and it wasn't until the 2nd day that I actually started. PERFECT timing huh? ;)  I guess not taking my fertility meds is a no no, a 40 day cycle instead of my usual 28... woops. 

Well speaking of nesting... for some strange reason I keep having these thoughts of how Lance and I are going to have twins.  Obviously if we are having trouble with just one two would be inconceivable, but regardless I just keep thinking how "awesome" it would be. Hence the stroller I want....

 Look at how many OPTIONS there are!

Yes, I should study Nursing and not surf the web of baby strollers. :)

Cruise

Back to reality with a SLAP. We were blessed to have spent the last 10 days on vacation away from school, homework, real work, and stress only to return in full force the week before finals! (I know, I'm crazy for planning my vacation when I did, but it was amazing!)

We left Friday the 13th (with good luck) to Long Beach where we spent the day shopping at the most AMAZING mall- South Coast Plaza. My mom, Lance and I had our share of fun inside the mall while the other Gummersall/Mortensens were outside walking in the puddles of Downtown Disney.   It was great being able to spend time with my mom and Lance together, it's extremely rare that all three of us get the opportunity. 

 

We stuffed our faces at lunch before we headed to the airport (where we sat for HOURS waiting to catch our red eye to JFK).. the joys of flying standby, but it was all worth it for this...

 The tropical beauty known as the Southern Caribbean.  Each day we were able to spend time in a different port, although we probably slept more in our cabin than tanned on the beach.  That's what vacations are for though- SLEEP, RELAXATION, and TANNING. 

Day 1- St. Thomas:  We took a taxi to Megan's Bay (in picture above) where the waves crashed closed to shore.  It was a little windy, but BEAUTIFUL with soft sand.  

Day 2- We spent at sea on the ship. We mainly slept and played a round of mini golf. 

Day 3- Barbados: Oh Barbados- we journeyed with the Greens to find a beach and thought we got a sweet gig by paying a taxi $40 for 7 of us to travel round trip.  However, the taxi lady stiffed us on the ride home and after waiting 20 minutes in the rain for her to come and pick us up we were coaxed into getting on a LOCAL bus (for $1 a person) and traveling back to our ship.  Every seat was filled and the 7 of us had to stand in the aisle holding on to the metal bar above our heads.  The bus driver swerved and jolted around corners flinging us from side to side.  There was even a person designated to open and close the bus door manually and was letting passengers on and off while the bus was still going 10mph.  We drove through the REAL Barbados where I thought any second now we are all going to get shot or mugged or kidnapped.  Luckily we arrived back at our ship in one piece and with all of our belongings intact.  Lesson learned: give $5 on the 1st trip and $35 on the returning.. :)

Day 4- St. Lucia: this was the day we zip-lined through the rain forest.  It was a 2 hour zip-line that had a few surprises throughout. At each platform they hooked us up so "in case the platform collapses, we will dangle like monkeys from the tree."  Half way through we zipped to this platform 50 ft. in a tree and the only way down was to "repel" down.  There was a worker at the bottom controlling our speed, but he dropped me faster than anyone and I SCREAMED at the top of my lungs thinking I was falling to my death.

St. Lucia

 On our first formal night we were pleasantly surprised by a singing performance by all of our waiters.  Lance even got so into the song he decided that he would dance with Kelsey and myself.

 Each and every night instead of attending the comedy shows and getting "crunk" we went to karaoke.  It wasn't until the second to last night that I finally got on stage and sang. Here's the proof.

 After "shopping" in St. Kitts we spent a "boat" day tanning on the ship.

 When in St. Kitts right when you got off the ship there were a ton of guys with monkeys on their shoulders.  Tanner went to take a picture with a monkey on his shoulder and hollered my name to bring my camera over, instead 4 different men came walking toward me all yelling "CHRISTINE CHRISTINE" with their monkeys hoping from shoulder to shoulder.  Needless to say I ran away totally freaked out and then later that night returned to my room to find this precious gem.

 One night there was a black jack tournament where the buy in was $20 and a person to buy in as many times as they wanted.  Lance was in the 2nd round and won 1st place.  They left the tournament open for 3 hours for others to join and by the end of the three hours Lance was tied for 7th (last) to make it into the championship match.  He had a play in match and won.  He was in the finals and finished in 1st place winning the GRAND PRICE of $500!!!!

 There was a Carnival Victory show where anyone could audition to play the lead roles.  Kelsey was Brittany Spears and Tanner was Garth Brookes.  Each of them performed on stage in front of a few hundred people. 

 All in all our cruise was super fun.  A ton of memories made and fun times experienced.  Definitely happy we went with Kelsey! She's AWESOME!

To Grandmother's House We Go...

 I am really, truly blessed to have married into a wonderful family full of such great testimonies of the gospel.  Since having worked the last 2 General Conferences, it was such a relief to have this past conference off from work to be able to travel to GRACE, ID.  Lance's Dad's parents have a farm up on Grace where all the children and grandchildren gather together for a weekend of celebrating family.  The first time I ever went we were engaged and I was a little surprised at how packed full the house was.  As the "cousins" have gotten older I have loved to see more and more sit down for each session of conference without being asked by their parents. The words that were spoken during conference was absolutely everything I NEEDED to hear.  I love it when that happens ;)

Also I hosted along side Hilda Gummersall a bridal shower for Nicole, my sister in law.  We had cupcakes galore and candy in her wedding colors... not to mention a plate full of strawberries that the little ones were devouring.  

 For the shower we strayed away from the traditional shower games (since we were all cousins or aunts of the bride) and did crafts to beautify the bride-to-be's new home.  We mod podged coasters with cute quotes.  Placed their engagement pictures on canvas to hang on their walls and even learned from Grandma Gummersall how to do a "no tie, tie quilt"  We finished an entire quilt in an hour and a half!!

 

Excited to use my new camera... I took some picures of Nicole and Landon on the farm.  It was really difficult to find places to take pictures because of how WINDY it was, but I think they came out great!!

 Of course there were other "gummersalls" there that wanted in on the action.  Including Kelby and Sammy.

.... and Holly and McKenzie!!

 

 Here they are again... posing.. again..

 We journied down to Hooper Creek.. where the water is carbonated and got a few more shots before we drove home on Sunday.

Landon must have missed the sign that indicated that the water was for drinking only.. not swimming.. or for the throwing in of soon-to-be-wives.

Top to bottom... Newest to Oldest.



Just recently, I decided to make an impulse purchase and get a new camera.   The thought came to my mind because we are planning on going on a cruise in 3 weeks (EEEEE!!!! im excited) and I thought a waterproof camera would be the perfect thing to bring... that or a kindle.  I didn't quite know which one to choose so I went to best buy and they didn't have the camera I was looking for.. and I was a little iffy on the kindle investment, but instead this AMAZING camera caught my eye.  I've needed/wanted to invest in a nice camera for my mom/my business to take pictures of the candy, as well as just to have.  The one I found films in HD which is perfect for Lance's basketball games that he films.  All in all I have been very satisfied with my choice.. even Winston and Ellie agree.



Taken in my bedroom.. with no lights on. It was pretty dark, but the picture looks very well lit.



Winston running towards me... or is he standing frozen.. Only I will know.

Ellie is SO photogenic.... Yes Lance and I know we need to have a child so we will stop creating fb albums of just our dogs.



For New Years Day my sweet cousins came up to visit/stay with us.  We went to see the lights at Temple Square.  Obviously the girls LOVED it and LOVED getting pushed in this amazing gizmo. (BTW--Sidenote.. a few days ago lance and I saw a guy riding his bike with one of these attached and inside was not children but his two terriers with their tongues sticking out!! haha so funny!!)



Rexi my cousin/mini-me and Brelee.



The Asian with all the other Asians... yes... extremely inappropriate but Hilarius.

Lance being the best husband that he is decided to take me on a date.. yes a planned ahead of time, not involving basketball date to conclude this year's basketball season.  We went to disney on ice-toy story 3.  We probably looked like creeps/weirdos because we got ALL dresses up to go...sat in the 5th row... and didn't have a child with us. It was a little corny, but overall a great show. They even did the hoe-down throwdown (special if anyone remembers the dance from our wedding).

I've been tempted to blog about this for months now, but thought it was premature.  Now that we are in our current situation I feel as if its a little more appropriate.  

The very common and extremely annoying question EVERYONE asks a newlywed couple... SO When are you having KIDS? I have learned over the past year is a question people should just STOP asking.

Experience #1: cute couple in our ward with the boy Lance's age and the girl my age.  The boy came over to check out our basement and to my better judgment I decided to ask when they were going to start having kids.. he responded with "Actually, we had a tubular pregnancy last week which ended in a miscarriage." 

*Note to self. Never ask people again if they are pregnant or when they will have kids...even if I'm dying to know.

Experience #2: A teacher I'm extremely fond on from high school has a blog all about her journey with TTC (trying to conceive).  At first I thought.. wow this is way too personal for me to read. I can't believe she is brave enough to openly blog about her inability to  have children.  Of course, the blog sucked me in and now she is 7 days away from delivering twin boys she conceived through her 2nd round of In Vitro. Congrats to her!!!

Why is this relevant for those who don't know? Well both I feel are applicable to Lance and me.

#1- I HATE when people ask me when we are going to have kids.  When it happens, believe me, I will LET YOU KNOW.  Until then, enjoy all the pictures we post about our puppies... they are cute.

#2-I made a blog post last May when Lance and I decided we were going to try and have a baby, but never posted it because I was scared to what questions we might receive.  Well now its been 11 months and we still are not pregnant.

Let me backtrack-

When Lance and I got married we decided that we wouldn't have a baby until after I was finished with nursing school which was supposed to be 3 years from when our wedding day.  Last summer I decided that I wasn't going to do the nursing program I had once planned but instead enroll in SLCC program.  SLCC has a 2 year waiting list and a 2 year program.  Waiting 5 years from wedding to baby wasn't really in the cards for Lance and I so we decided that during the wait list time we would have a baby and that way the baby would be old enough to "handle" by the time I started nursing school.  I got my job with IHC along with full health insurance in March... you have to be with a company for a full year to take off 12 week leave.. so the 1st of June my IUD came out (so the baby soonest would be due in March). 

May was a long month since we had made the decision, but had yet to remove the goalie. Once I went to the Dr. and he informed me we needed to wait another month before trying because my lining needed a month to fully develop and shed as normal, if we didn't wait there was a higher chance of miscarriage... we kinda waited, but July came with another negative. 

August I was 8 days late and of course thinking +++, but another - it was.  Thank heavens I work for a hospital and with a Nurse who is my OBGYN's stepdaughter/office nurse.  From talking to her she suspected I wasn't regular and needed to do an ovulation kit to make sure I was ovulating. September, October and November were all "regular" @ 33 days  but with all - results. With my Dr. checking my progesterone in November which indicated I was ovulating, but my number wasn't as high as he would have liked it.

December came at 28 days and I was freaking out.  How could I be so regular over the last 3 months and all of a sudden now I'm EARLY?!?! At this point my Dr. put me on Femara which is a fertility medication similar to the typical Clomid.  It was determined at that point that I was ovulating, but not regularly.  Perfect timing... being on a fertility medication that makes you super emotional...while on a boys basketball trip for A WEEK. Needless to say, my patience was OUT the window by the time we got home.

January and February went as planned with 28/29 day cycles and still a -. Since everything was figured out with me the next step was to check Lance.  Lance went in for his semen analysis the beginning of February and his results indicated that 59% of his swimmers were abnormal (when only 40% or lower should be) and his viscosity was high.. meaning he only had 41% of sperm that could make a baby, but they were trying to swim through jello.  Because of this my Dr. wanted him to go to a fertility clinic and check how well the sperm could swim and if fertilization would be possible.  The next week Lance went in and his results weren't great.  The want the motility of viable sperm to be between 5-14% anything less than 5% means the man is infertile and can't have kids...  Lance is AT 5%. Not good. 

From the beginning of our journey until just last month I have been in tears each time I see another -, while Lance has been the most supportive, open minded person always saying it'll happen, don't worry, it'll happen.  Since finding out our issues are not with my biological clock, but with his body, he has struggled a lot and more than ever wants to have a child of our own. 

Our next step is artificial insemination where they take a sperm sample, wash away all the stickiness and then inject it with a catheter into the uterus.  Of course my Dr. told me to stay on Femara, my fertility meds and that we would be doing Artificial Insemination for the next 3-6 months.. until we got pregnant or until we needed to try something else.  Naturally, I got really sick the week of my period, puking my guts out and forgot to fill my prescription.  So this month I didn't ovulate, and we missed our chance until next month...

When you get married, you never think an issue such as infertility is going to happen to you.  Every month I've tried to come to the realization that it isn't MY decision when we have a child, but the Lord's decision.  Those who have offered their advice always say something along the lines of "this is the trial you were supposed to have" or "everything will work out," but at the same time its hard having to put a number day of your cycle to every calendar day. To know what you need to be doing in regards to fertility that day or week or month.  It consumes every bit of my mind and while I hope others don't have to endure the same situation we have been in, I am envious as ever to those around me who get pregnant on a whim or have the easiest of pregnancies as well as those who I see, especially at work, who appear to not be the greatest parents or treat their children rotten.  How can those people be blessed with a child, but the people who would sacrifice anything to have a child are the ones childless?

All in all it has definitely been a humbling experience and I appologize to those who we have left in the dark in regards to TTC, especially our family members. We love you and didn't want to worry/excite you!